Somewhere Only We Know
by derpette-Waffle
Summary: After months of fighting off the inevitable, Kurt's back in the hospital, but this time he's as good as gone. Blaine is going to have to make the difficult decision of whether or not to let his husband of 21 years keep fighting.  based on roleplay
1. Chapter 1

"The suppression of his immune system has allowed a nectrotic infection to spread through his abdominal cavity. That's why he s been vomiting blood, because the bacteria is eating away at his gastrointestinal lining. He s been running a high fever for three days, which spiked this morning and triggered the seizure. The seizure cut off bloodflow to his brain for several minutes. He's brain-dead."

All the medical mumbo-jumbo was going in one ear and out the other for Blaine. He hated to admit it, but it didn't quite matter what the details of Kurt's condition was anymore. It was like someone gets hit by a car and someone feels the need to acknowledge every broken bone when all that mattered was that they were hit by a car. It was the big picture that would get the point across, and the big picture here was that Kurt was in there, but not really anymore.

He stumbled back out the the waiting room to give all those awaiting the news. He glanced around numbly. Katy and her fiance, Alex -they would've been married next week. Katy was going to look so beautiful in the wedding dress Kurt had designed for her from the hospital bed. Maddie, a frightened look on her face, with little Stella sitting in her lap. Nessa in the corner, sitting on the edge of the plastic seat with newborn Annabeth in the stroller beside her.  
>How was he supposed to tell them? How do you tell your daughters that after months of fighting it, their father had lost the battle? It wasn't even casualty: more like torture. This infection, it obviously couldn't just kill Kurt. It had to leave him brain-dead. His husband just always had to suffer, didn't he? Fate was too cruel to allow otherwise.<p>

Blaine knew what he was going to do. He needed to let Kurt go. He'd been fighting this off for months and now, now it was over. Kurt had tried. He had tried so hard for so long, most of the time suffering an indescribable pain. And so the only explanation he managed to choke out to his daughters was one only half true but might as well have been fact.

"He's gone."


	2. Chapter 2

The girls found out within about ten minutes that their father wasn t quite gone yet. Blaine could see the looks of betrayal in his daughters eyes, even though none of them reprimanded him outright about upsetting them.  
>Blaine wondered how far gone he himself looked. He hadn t dared look into his reflection whenever he passed a mirror: whenever he saw himself he couldn t help but think about how he should be seeing his beautiful Kurt next to him.<br>He could feel the bags under his eyes. He d expected them to be there, deep creases in his eyelids; he hadn t slept at all in two days. His concern for his husband had been keeping him up into all hours of the night. How was he supposed to sleep when Kurt was lying in a hospital bed, barely alive as an infection ravaged his body?  
>Blaine s once fresh bronze skin was grayed and pasty. He d been taking medication for his HIV, no matter how much he wanted to resist it. He d rather die with Kurt than live years after without him. But Kurt had wanted it. He didn t want Blaine to wish for death because of him.<br>Blaine had been told that he needed to live on for their daughters, but what was there really left to do for them? Katy was about to get married, Maddie planned on visiting her birth parents in England after the funeral, Nessa had rented a small apartment with Vincent since Annabeth was born, and Stella Stella wasn t even in Blaine s custody anymore: she was living with Kurt s parents. They didn t need him anymore Mr. Anderson? Dr. Giles poked his head around the corner of the hallway and waiting room. He was rather young, almost too young to be responsible for such a precious life as Kurt s. Blaine hoped Giles realized he had his whole life in front of him: maybe one where he didn t want to spend every moment with the unlucky souls at death s door.  
>You can see him now. <div> 


	3. Chapter 3

Blaine had never fantasized a funeral until about two months ago, when Kurt had started to get worse than he already was. His poor baby would be lying in bed -at home, thank god he was breathing mostly by himself- all white face and gray freckles still speckling his nose, hairline and cheekbones glistening with old sweat from the struggle of living.  
>Watching him, Blaine would cock his head slightly to the side, eyes occasionally glancing to his husband s chest to watched it twitch with his shallow breath. He d then see in his mind the den of their old house, the one they d abandoned back in Lima. His imaginary self must ve bought it back, he supposed. The room was full of faceless figures in black, and small sobs and whatnot could be heard: sounds of quiet sorrow.<br>He approached the other side of the room, the vision air thick and cold as he wafted through it. Through the sea of dark beings he came to a wooden case, large enough to put a body in Kurt s casket.  
>It was a beautiful funeral, as far as funerals went. White flowers everywhere, the coffin decorated with maroon velvet. It was perfect. It was just what Kurt would ve wanted.<br>That had been the first, but not the last, time that Blaine would imagine life after Kurt was gone, and he didn t like it just as much as he had anticipated. He couldn t imagine going on without his darling husband.  
>Blaine entered the room, for what could possibly be the last time.<br>The image in front of him didn t really fit what he d reluctantly pictured so many horrible times. He had always imagined this to be a lot simpler. Kurt, he stuttered monotonously as he approached the figure on the bed. There were so many tubes and wires that Blaine was hesitant to touch him, worried he might unhook something and Kurt would be gone. He took his hand. It was warm. Why was it warm? Kurt shouldn t look like this and still be alive. He was supposed to go peacefully in his sleep, enveloped in Blaine s arms, while Blaine would have to let him finally slip away. He shouldn t be warm. His body should ve been cold, lifeless, like a corpse. But no, because technically, artificially, Kurt was alive. He breathed shallowly and his heart beat irregularly, and he was alive. But in all essensce, he was gone.  
>Brain-dead. Kurt would never again be waking up. Blaine would never hear his melodious voice again, the soothing lyrical sound that he d grown so addicted to over the years. He d never again feel his husband s soft hands wrap comfortably around his own, only feel it hang limply as Blaine prayed for Kurt to squeeze back. He d never again be intimate with anyone, or fall in love again, because how could he when he d lost the most important person in his world? There would be no getting over Kurt: they were married and insanely in love, and would be for eternity.<br>He d never feel Kurt s lips on his again, so sweet and firm, pressed against his own in the most tender expression of their love. Those beautiful lips that Blaine had had the privilege to caress for twenty-six years. Not only would Kurt never kiss back, but they d be parted by a thick plastic tube, keeping him breathing. Blaine would never be able to kiss those lips again He wished he could while they were still warm.  
>But the worst part was probably coming to terms with the fact that the simple words I love you would never slip past those glorious lips again.<br>Kurt 


End file.
